Don’t Vote: Fight Climate Change Instead

I apologize for not having a post up yesterday seeing as how the word “daily” is in our name.  I am sure all of our other writers were busy studying.  Not I.  Although, I did enjoy a five-and-a-half hour nap in the Undergraduate Library (Does that count?).

On a serious note, I am currently involved in a “beard-thickness” contest with a friend who shall remain nameless.  It all began when I lost my shaving cream (I suspect the cleaning crew threw it away as they previously, and heartlessly, threw away two beloved washcloths).  Nevertheless, I apologize if my unkempt face influences my writing.  I can feel myself getting more flippant and sixty-annoying-know-it-allish as the hair slowly creeps towards my chin (or is that just a consequence of spending too much with that flippant genius, Nash Keune?).

That said, I agree with aged hippies in another, more profound way.  Not only do I think we should not bathe or shave, I think we shouldn’t vote either.  Especially in local, Chapel Hill elections.  Perhaps most especially.

My philosophy?  “Let ‘em burn.”  No, literally, that is my philosophy regarding why I don’t want to vote in Chapel Hill.  But, if you need a better reason, I am doing it for the environment.  I am fighting global warming — oop! — climate change.  Yes, I am fighting climate change. 

If I go vote I am probably causing some sort of emissions somewhere.  If I don’t vote obviously I am not.  This is the logic behind many,  many things I do.  For example, I don’t have a car because I care. 

My alternative?  Kill as many babies as possible.  They won’t remember it if you kill them while they’re young.  That’s why you do it while they’re young, because they won’t remember it.

Seriously though, China is correct.  I mean, they are.  People cause emissions.  Kill them. 

Oh, and if you need further incentive, Obama agrees! His prefered method: utility closet; it’s quiter in there.  (The infants probably don’t feel it anyway!)